The story behind Half Man Half Biscuit appearing on the show is as follows; The Under The Moon website at channel4.com had a message board that invited comments from viewers who couldn't/wouldn't phone the show. Occasionally Tom Binns (the funny man of the two presenters) would make his way to the "Website Room" and read a few messages that had been carefully selected by a bloke who looked like Bill Gates. Most messages came from serious football followers who were convinced that they could pick a world beating squad for the World Cup. This, of course, became incredibly dull after a while so I thought I'd go and have a look at the website and add something just to see if it would get read out. At the time there were four Cheerleaders from the London Monarchs American Football team making regular appearances on the show, usually just to wave their pom-poms and giggle at Tom Binns witty innuendoes. When I reached the message board it quickly became clear why the messages Binns read out were always pretty much the same. It was because every other message posted revolved around how "sexy" the "cheerleader babes" were and how Bob in Grimsby wanted "the blonde one to have my babies". And then I had a flash of inspiration...
My
message was short and sweet. It started out by mentioning that the foundation
the Cheerleaders wore appeared to be expensive - unlike the cheap throwaway
Constance Caroll stuff worn by Vanessa Feltz or Anthea Turner (three years
living with an Estee Lauder girl had done me some good after all).
I
then went on to nominate two Half Man Half Biscuit songs as official World
Cup anthems and thought nothing more of it, until half an hour later...
I
was still reading through some of the more abusive prose left on the message
board and paying little attention to the telly, when I heard my name mentioned.
Then Anthea Turner. Then the band. Then the songs. By this time I was feeling
quite smug just for getting a message read out on the telly, when suddenly
Tom Binns let rip. "This band is the dogs bollocks. I want them on this
show every week. Andy, if you can get them on this show then get in touch."
It's half past two in the morning and I've just managed to fluke a band
onto the telly. Onto Channel Four as well - a channel they famously turned
down an appearance on because of a football match. Even Danny Kelly got
in on the act when the cameras went back to him - "my personal favourite
has to be Running Order Squabble Fest." Then the phone rings, and when
I pick it up a voice shouts "you think you're fucking Harvey Goldsmith."
Wealthy freelance writer Steve Hill (pictured here in Tom Binns dressing
room during one of the long periods when the show was in full swing and
the Green Room had emptied) always did have a way with words. He's also
recently had his haircut and turned 31 years old (in that order)
The
next day I phoned Geoff Davies and told him what had happened, but he already
knew about it. It turned out that Nigel Blackwell had told him. Being a
regular viewer of the show, he'd witnessed the whole event.. The negotiations
with Channel Four were left to Geoff to sort out, and a date for an appearance
was set for a fortnight later. Meanwhile, I was arranging a date for a
gig at the Star&Garter in Manchester, using the "as about to be seen
on TV" line as a bargaining tool. Once that was agreed I made my way back
from the S&G through Piccadilly Train Station when I noticed a board
advertising forthcoming Channel 4 shows, so I phoned C4 and persuaded them
that what you see on the right was a really good idea. The quality is a
bit suspect, I know - the photographers among you will go on about shutter
speed etc etc. Either way, throughout the land at various major train stations
(Lime Street, Euston, Manchester (pictured)) the "What's On 4"
screens were advertising "Under The Moon. Late night interactive sports
show which features Half Man Half Biscuit." Marvellous.
A full
review of the night itself can be found in the news archives at the
Half
Man Half Biscuit Homepage so I won't drone on any more about it.
Photos
were kept to a minimum, so this page features the best of those taken.
And
before anyone asks - no, Nigel didn't use an auto cue ;-)
"Paintball's
Coming Home"
